In Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice, Elizabeth Bennet and her mother have a difficult relationship. What if Mrs Bennet invests for her daughters' futures? Instead of criticising Mr Darcy, what if the Mistress of Longbourn detects his interest in Elizabeth and promotes the match? This Pride and Prejudice what-if short story explores that scenario with wit and takes Miss Jane's perennial favourite to another direction. Warning: This drama contains foul language, attacks on Mr Darcy and vulgar discussion of money.